The Best roads of Wales

"WWWWOOOOSSSSSSHHHH...." Or something like that. 'That' of course being the phonetic rendition of what it feels like running a huge, powerful fuck-off motorcycle at dangerously illegal speeds through the series of perfectly tarmac'd twisties just before you hit Rhayader on the A44. (Trust me, I'm a behavourial engineer with a PhD in Self-Delusion). Spookily enough, it's also a fair approximation of the noise any decent huge, powerful fuck-off motorcycle makes in exactly such circumstances. And so, being an empathetic and hedonistic kinda guy, it's the salutation you'll be joyously bawling behind your visor when the adrenalin kicks in while replicating such antics this summer. Possibly not aboard a huge-powerful fuck-off motorcycle... but even a Ducati 600 Monster, a GPz500S or a big Supermoto will do nicely.

Because this, my friends, is Mid-Wales - home to probably the best concentration of great riding roads our sceptred isle can offer, and all within a modest trot of those major conurbations where your riding pleasure is severely hampered by the triple killjoys of Gatsos a'go-go, draconian traffic management measures and, well, tons of bloody traffic.

Okay, okay, someone with the girth of an elephant from eating too many deep fried Mars Bars (and who indeed probably rides an Elefant) is gonna email Bertie and point out that the B5763896702 from Unpronounceable to Uckmuckmurty is three miles of unfettered yahoo, but every time - and I do mean every time - I've made the five-hour plod up there from civilisation it starts sheeting it down the moment I wibble over the border and doesn't stop until I exit again. Indeed the last time I took a gurlie for a weekend of pillion pleasure by yon bonnie braes (whatever they are) she was so soaked and disgruntled that she insisted on being dropped at Edinburgh Station for the return bout and took up with the owner of a Citröen van shortly thereafter.

But I digress... The thing about the Welsh Marches - so-called because they cover a north-south swathe of Powys, Shropshire and Herefordshire through which our medieval armies trudged trying to conquer the truculent Taffs (or vice versa, if you please) - is that they occupy some of the most bucolic, least inhabited scenery in the UK through which some of the least inhabited but well-maintained roads meander seductively hither and yon. That's an awfully long sentence, the sub-text of which is come to Wales and enjoy motorcycling like you can nowhere else. And as I live here, for once I know what I'm writing about. I also know that not everyone wants or can afford to get their jollies thrashing around some superannuated airfield in a welter of Track Day show-offery, but here in God's Own Country you can ride almost as fast as you like in a largely speedtrap-free zone, with or without your mates and pillion pals and enjoy the sights, the scenery and the sandwiches as and when you damn well feel like it.

So, I've plotted three primary riding routes which can easily be accomplished in a day, and all within striking distance of the industrial Midlands, South Wales and Bristol. And with starting points approximately three hours fast schlep from the capital, Londoners can take in a B&B and try 'em all over the course of a short weekend. What's more, all three routes cunningly intersect at a crucial fuel stop-cum-nosherie, so you can mix 'em up to suit your mood and timetable. Be advised however that these roads really just provide a basic framework and perusal of the road atlas will suggest detours and deviations along both A and B roads that will invariably provide their own rewards. And I do like a nice deviation. Indeed just to whet your appetites, I've suggested a few of these as adjuncts to each of the following epic jaunts.

Mark's thoughts on the big Zed Thousand...

It's a great bike, but it's not the ideal tool for zapping round the Welsh Marches. First off, it lacks anything but a 'cosmetic' fairing so above 75mph you're buffeted to buggery by the oncoming wind. Secondly, this is not a comfy machine, and it's actually quite cramped for tall persons, too. The bike tracks superbly and handles like the beaut it is, but the mighty four vibrates nastily through the 'bars above 6-7000 rpm, which is a bugger. Torque a'plenty natch, but why is it so bloody low-geared? The engine's already quite busy at 4K when you're nudging 60mph, and with 14mph/1000rpm there's plenty of scope for stress-less cruising. As is so often so, Kawasaki choose to undergear the plot as a sop to lazy gearchangers. But, the Z1000 is a spunky roadster rather than a long-distance rocketship, and none the worse for that. Horses for courses. Mpg? 49.28 with a 150 mile range. Impressive.

Wales - Route 1

ROUTE 1

The Wild, Wild West 192.5 miles

A44 Hereford-Rhayader-Aberystwyth-A487 Aberaeron-A482-Lampeter-A40 Llandovery-A483-Builth Wells-A481/A44 New Radnor-Hereford

This mixes some fast, frequently deserted open road sweeps across the Cambrian Mountains between Rhayader and Aberystwyth with some equally fast and deserted well-paved corkscrews down, well down the other end of the mountains. You can accomplish this in a long half-day, but spend a day at it and you can take in the odd diversion and enjoy the sights as much as the ride.

Hereford is easy enough to access via the lightly trafficked M50 off the M5 at J8, or north from the M4 and Bristol Channel on the rather more hectic A40(M) and the A438 from Ross-on-Wye. Zap round what passes for Hereford's ring road and peel off past Bulmer's giant chemistry set on the A438 signposted Kington. This is the busiest bit of road you're likely to encounter, but there are no real nasties and no Gatsos. At Kington you pick up the mighty A44 and then things really start to get fun. Within a few miles of fast swervery, you hit the mile-long New Radnor straight where you will be tempted to play drag racers before hitting a series of equally well-surfaced sweepers as you head up into the Radnor Hills. Be warned though, the rozzers have been known to sit around New Radnor with radar guns.

There is a problematic set of malevolent, Armco-clad bends descending these hills three miles later, some of which tighten up t'other side of a blanket of trees, but the cambers are in order and if you watch your apexes you'll be alright. A little further on you cross a cattle grid where dumb sheep wander into the road as if they own the place. Cool it until you're over the other grid and out of Penybont and you won't be murdering my future girlfriend. Then it's down into Crossgates where the eponymous service station offers a giant greasy spoon that acts as a mecca for weekend bikers. And this is where my three favoured routes meet up.

The rest of the A44 gets wilder as you rise North West through Rhayader, which boasts an excellent open-on-weekends bike dealer-cum-gas station, E.T. James (Tel: (01597) 810396) and a number of biker-friendly pubs, 'specially the Lamb & Flag. Then onto Aber through majestic mountain scenery where you can ride very, very fast for some 34 miles on fantastically smooth roads overlooking the Vale of Rheidol. Indeed if you're riding a big trailie or agile middleweight, hang a left on the A4120 toward Devil's Bride and enjoy 15 miles of lush riding along the Vale... you might even beat the narrow-gauge chuffer into Aberystwyth.

Aber itself is a seaside university town also known to thrift-conscious bikers as the home of Conti importers, Cambrian Tyres. Otherwise it's pretty unremarkable so hustle down the A487 coast road to Aberaeron as fast as possible. Turn left onto the A482 at Aberaeron which is still wriggly, but with precious little traffic all the way down through the hippie time-warp town of Lampeter (stock up on tie-died cheesecloth blouses for the missus) and onto the A40 just south of Llandovery.

It is almost mandatory to stop at Llandovery's West End Café and sniff around the opposition's repli-racers parked in a line outside before wazzing off to Builth Wells on the A483. This is another, truly fast bit of tarmac and, despite the signs, totally devoid of speed cameras. But give or take 20mph, I suggest you obey the restrictions applied to some of the hamlets you pass through, 'specially Beulah which has a nasty little kink in the middle that hides a T-junction exited by old ladies driving very slowly in Morris Travellers. And it's 15 miles to the nearest A&E.

Now if you like you can get back to Hereford, or go home to South Wales and Bristol by leaving Llandovery along the A40 towards Brecon. A spiffing route in itself, this road enables you to dive south at Sennybridge onto the mind-blowing A4067 towards Merthyr Tydfil and the M40... But that's another music in a different kitchen, and here it comes now...